Things went fairly well though I did have to go in for a second mini-surgery to clean out a hematoma in the left breast two days post surgery. That was kinda scary. I thought it might be the first in a long line of complications.

Other than that things have not been as bad as I expected. Waking up from general anesthesia was the worst part of this experience so far. Well, that and not being able to move. That’s the REALLY sucky part of this!!! I don’t think I realized just how limited my movement would be.

Pain was moderate the first 4 days. I was off the Vicodin by the 5th day.  I took a few Tylenol the fifth day - more for the headache I woke up with than anything else. I’ve taken nothing for pain since. There is still some discomfort up top - more like a PMS or a lactating sort of tenderness. Incisions, and there’s lots of ‘em ) kinda itch but I think that’s because the bra I have to wear rubs against them.

I’m still not totally standing up straight. Almost there but not quite - maybe 3-5 more degrees and I’ll be vertical. My tummy skin is still tight. It feels like Joan Rivers’ face. Taking deep breaths isn’t feeling too good. It seems to stretch the skin more than it wants to go. In order to get good air I have to bend over a bit. When I bend over I look like something out of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. That’s all I can think of every time I look at myself in the mirror. Especially when I’m naked!

I took a walk today. Probably about a half mile.  I’m hoping to do a few of those a day just to burn some damn calories. My weight is same as pre-surgery.  Given I’ve had more than a few indulgences since surgery, I’m pretty happy about that. I’ve been trying to eat more carbs than normal but man they make me hungry!!!!!!! Plus no cardio also seems to up my appetite for some reason. So, I’m trying to not gain too much weight.

I go for another follow up on Thursday. I guess this is when I’ll get clearance to drive - which I’ve already done, and determine what my physical activity level should be. I know I’ll not be doing much upper body for a while. I can’t even blow dry my hair all that well. Can’t put new sheets on the bed. Even shifting the car I can feel.

OK, so I guess that’s it for now. Maybe I’ll fix up this template a bit? I dunno. My brain is STILL kinda foggy. I don’t know what that’s about. Maybe because I’m not sleeping all that well? I have to pee 3-4 times a night. Getting in and out of bed and back to a comfortable sleeping position is a pain in the ass right now, though getting easier every day.

I sat down at the computer because I needed to come here and get my workout log from my blog so that I can put it in my nifty new notebook. Ooops - need the notebook, it’s on the kitchen table. Go to kitchen. Oh great. Now I have to pee. Go to bathroom. Use last bit of toilet paper. Have to get the roll from the downstairs bathroom. Better do that now before I forget and end up in here next trip with no toilet paper. Better throw some laundry in while I’m down there - need workout clothes for later. Bah, wet clothes in washer. That means I gotta fold the clothes in the dryer. I hate folding clothes. And emptying the dishwasher. I hardly use the dishwasher anymore. I’d rather wash them by hand (and yeah put them away! wtf lol) than have to empty the dishwasher.

Hmm, dryer vent tube needs to be replaced. Could just let the hot air blow out the back like I’ve been doing and heat up the house and probably give us all carbon monoxide poisoning. Eh, let me get this done. I gotta get this done before surgery, might as well just do it now.

So, I end up cleaning out all the lint and crap behind the dryer and then the entire laundry room when all I really intended to do was go to the kitchen and grab the notebook off the table. All because I hadda pee.

This is how my life has been the past week or two. I can’t get anything done. That new dryer vent has been in the car and then on the kitchen table for a week. Well, at least finally that’s done.

Now, what did I come in here for exactly? Oh yeah. Workout log. Let’s see how many days it takes me to complete that task. Actually it’s been on the list of things I forgot to do for about the same time as the dryer vent. Maybe surgery and some mental down time is just what I need?

Well, duh. REALLY glad I didn’t have to pay for that bit of “insight”.

Add kids who are not really kids, in fact one is technically an adult, who never shut up to the mix and it makes, well, makes me want to do this:

UGH.

So, my final Ultimate Diet week went well. I was down to 134 lbs pre reload. Reload went good, I stuck to my target (whatever it was, I forget now, 5-600g).

Then something happened. I no longer had a goal. Well, actually my goal is maintenance.

Problem: I don’t know how to do maintenance mentally speaking. I’m fine if I have to lose. I suppose I would be OK even with gaining muscle, dunno, haven’t tried it.

It’s this not going anywhere thing that I can’t get my head around, and consequently I’ve put on uhm a few pounds over the past week. I don’t know how many are legitimate fat though. I was 143.5 this morning but I had a “carb up” last night. So, today’s weight doesn’t count. I’d been holding around 142 for the past few days.

Also, I’m am EXTREMELY irregular. I went yesterday but that was the first legitimate movement since whenever the last time I blogged I went was - May 17th - that’s like 12 days!!

I literally look to be a few months pregnant. My abdomen sticks out just like there’s a baby in there. It’s hard like there’s a baby in there too! This soooo sucks so badly, I can’t not describe in words how badly.

I’m full of gas, really bad smelling gas, so much so that I can’t stand myself. It’s making going out in public quite difficult.

And no, I’m not pregnant. Well, if I am, I’m about a month over due. And besides, if I were pregnant, I think my GYN would have caught that before he inserted the IUD.

So, I assume that since this has been going on for a month now I qualify as having IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). Laxatives do nothing useful at all. I’ve been doing max doses of Metamucil and a softener the past 3 days. Fiber’s at 30-40grams. Water is 80-110oz.

I was so excited when I was able to go yesterday I seriously considered taking a picture of it! I feel like that was the last one I’ll see in a while. This makes me very very sad.

The real pain though is that I’m supposed to have the abdominoplasty in 25 days!!!!! I’m starting to worry that if things don’t start moving I’ll have to delay the surgery. I already feel like I’ve put my life on hold until after surgery. I actually HAVE put my life on hold! I do not want any delays. I’m too old to wait anymore. I feel like I’m waisting my life right now. I feel like I don’t have much time left for some reason. I’ve felt like that since I was about 30 years old.

So, not too happy today. I just want this, well, I was gonna say stuff, but really it’s crap lol or shit, literally and figuratively, OUT of me!!!!

Even smoking doesn’t make me go! I tried that a few weeks ago. Nothing. It tasted like total crap and made me really dizzy AND it didn’t work!!! How do I make a mad smiley? So I smoked the whole damn pack anyway. Just cause.

I just had an awesome workout. I’m either stronger or I just wasn’t pushing enough last week. I may not have been. I’ve never “power” lifted before.  Today I was making faces and grunting like the big boys!

Ultimate Diet 2.0 - Week 2, Day5

Weight 134.5
kCals:  1968
Carbs: 199.5 grams.
Total for carb up: 599.5 - 12g per kg/lbm

Day 6 Workout:

DL:  3×5x175
Flat DB Fly: 2×6x70, 1×6x80

BB Row: 2×5x95, 1×6x95 - Was still in DL mode. Forgot to do 6 reps first 2 sets.
Incline DB Press: 2×6x35, 1×6x135 (Machine). Couldn’t lift the 40s to start the third set.

Leg Press: 1×6x300, 340, 360

Low Row: 3×6x9, 1×6x10
Calf Raise: 1×6x210, 2×6x220, 1×6x225

Glute-Ham Raise (!!): 2×4, 2×3, 1×2. YES! I did this. I didn’t go below parrallel to the floor but, hey, last week I couldn’t do one from even above parallel.
DB MP: 3×6x60

Assisted Wide Grip Lat Pull: 1×6x10, 2×6x8
Chins: 2×3, 1×3.5, 1×4

Tricep Dip, 4×4. And yes, these were unassisted. I totally rock.

My hands are killing me. I don’t wear gloves for deads or chins. They seem to make it harder. I use ‘em for low row and DBs because those handles are sharp and kill me. Still I have callouses like I had after playing guitar for 10 years. Callouses are NOT for girls! My gloves suck. I need to get real ones. Or something. My hands hurt more than anything else.

Now I’m sleepy. I need to eat though.

Oh and I kinda half dropped the bar on myself during the decent on my last DL. OK well, I used my quad to lower the weight because if I hadn’t the bar woulda come crashing down and I would have gotten yelled at. Hit right above my knee. The one with the tendinitis. Last week I had bruises up and down my shins. I think I need knee pads or something. That’s happened before.  I had a bruise in the same spot a few weeks back.  A huge ugly bruise. This will be the same no doubt. I can tell because it hurts. Bad. I actually almost left the gym to go buy an ice pack after I did it, it hurt that much.

Uhm, so I lost what? 1.5lbs eating 1426 calories of crap - brownies, ice cream, donut, in one day.

How much do I love this “diet”?

Something weird is going on. I eat 1300 clean kcals and I gain weight. I not only triple the calories and dirty ‘em up but I reduce exercise burn by probably 40% and lose weight. I give up trying to figure this stuff out. I think it’s more like a crap shoot.

Just goes to show how utterly useless scale numbers are. My girth measurements are all pretty much the same I think. Didn’t do a caliper.

That all said, I did “go” yesterday. 3 or 4 times. Once, alot, at around 3am which kinda sucked because I had a hard time going back to sleep knowing I hadn’t eaten the entire batch of brownies. I don’t feel as pregnant now. My lower abs aren’t rock solid either. Too bad. I thought the ab workouts were maybe starting to actually work!

I’m really really struggling to determine just how many carbs I should consume. I’m already at 432g. I keep reading conflicting things. The book itself says 12-16g per kg lbm. That’s about 600g for me if I stick to the low end. That’s where I ended up last week - actually a bit over that, though I did the puke fest thing and so I don’t really have an accurate number.

I’d like to keep that scale number or something close to it. I’m afraid to eat anything else today. I was even thinking about doing some cardio just in case I overflow. I don’t care about lbm loss at this point. Not too much anyway.

I should just throw the damn scale away. It’s making me nuts with all its stupid lies.

And now I’m hungry. I hate that about carbs. I wasnt’ even hungry yesterday. I had to force myself to eat. In fact, the only reason I even “ate” pre-workout (like the books says I have to) was because I got to do the dextrose. Otherwise I would have justified not eating with the fact that the workout goal was depletion.

Today I woke up famished - after a 3500+ calorie yesterday! I just ate a 400 calorie breakfast 2 hours ago - 45% carb, 30% protein, 25% fat. I’ve had a crap load of caffeine (isn’t this what they put in “diet” pills? p.s. it doesn’t work). I’m hungry already.

Carbs kill me. I’ve found a new love for low carb diets despite the fact that I’m not a believer in extremes.

That said, the low carb workouts are starting to annoy me. I don’t want to do them. I love being in the gym which means low carb isn’t something I can do forever. I just love the not being hungry thing. I guess my focus during maintenance will be trying to find the balance - enough carbs to keep me fueled, few enough to keep me from wanting to eat non-stop. I suppose it could just be all the sugar I consumed that’s giving me the out of control eating feeling. I hate having to battle the cravings and the voices in my head. I just want to live in peace! Drama ain’t my thing!

I guess that means I’ll have to try a low sugar carb up next week. I will miss my brownie sundae.

I feel like I drank a keg of coffee. I’m wired and literally dizzy. Almost like I’m drunk.

I only got in 30 minutes of cardio. I did a Firm video this morning. It wasn’t nearly as challenging as it was 60lbs ago but I still got an OK workout. At least it was a change in routine. That never hurts. Though my knees didn’t take too kindly to the lunges and jumping stuff.

I was going to do 30 on the Arc before weights but something happened and I couldn’t focus nor sit on that thing for 30 minutes, no way, no how. Not after this happened:

I go to fill up my water bottle. Mr. Walking Pheromone comes over and asks me if we won the lottery. I’d asked his birthday last time I saw him. Told him mine was broken and I needed new lottery numbers. It was actually my way of getting to talk to him AND find out his sign because I like the Astrology stuff.

I inform Mr. Walking Pheromone that no, we didn’t win Mega Millions but it’s OK because no one else did either. He tells me how he had a dream about me. I ask him if I won. I nearly pass out when Mr. Walking Pheromone tells me it was a “naughty” (his words not mine) dream about us. Then he goes, “True story.”

Of course idiot me who can never think of anything good to say says something totally and utterly ridiculous and open to extremely negative interpretation like, “It’s not a true story, it was a dream.”

Duh. How stupid can a person be? I’ve lusted after this guy for literally a year now, and I nearly tell him to f-off?

I get on the Arc and am like OMFG. I can’t stop smiling. Then my mp3 player freezes. Then I get off the Arc. I gotta go tell Mr. Pheremone that what I meant to say was, “Show me.”

And that’s just what I did.

So, only 30 minutes of cardio today. I figure I’ll make it up eventually. A different form of cardio than the Arc, but hey, it’s good to mix things up a bit. Kinda gotta shock the body out of homeostasis every now and then.

Weight: 136
kCals: 1302
Carbs: 19% (61.5g)
Workout: Ab circuit, 20m treadmill, 40m Arc

Hanging leg raises: 3×10 - These are getting too easy. Not sure if I’m working the abs correctly. I start from a dead stop, hanging, then lift knees to chest.

Woodchop: 1×12x3 plate. My form was sucking and I couldn’t seem to find the groove, so I stopped.

Jack knife: 3 x 12

Lateral Raise: 2 x 12 x 25

Plank on Ball: 2 x 2 min.

Plank w/static leg raise: 1 x 2 min.

Week 2, Day 1
Weight: 139.5
kcals: 1536
Carbs: 94.37g (going for 75g. oops) So, that’s like 25% carb.
Depletion workout: lower body- 90+ minutes, cardio - 60 minutes

Day 2
Weight: 138
kcals: 1387
Carbs: 69.9g - 20%
Depletion workout: upper body - 90+ minutes, cardio - 40 minutes - Wanted to 60. OK not wanted really but woulda had I not had cramps/bloating/gas. ugh. It went something like this in my head which was battling me the entire time:

“I’m tired. I’m hungry. I’m in pain. I have to pee. So what if I just went 3 times during weights. 40s good. Get the fuck off the Arc. If you don’t I will take you out at the knees.”

Day 3
Weight:

139.5 (!!!!)(WTF???!!!?)

The scale is not my friend today or I just get fat on low cal/low carb.

Not giving up yet up jeez that number really threw me. Could be the “irregular” f-ing thing again or TOM I guess. I really wish I had a clue.

It’s been 3 days since things have moved.  I don’t know what the issue is. I get 20-30g fiber low cal. 30-40g on typical days. Could be dehydration maybe? I do suck at water. I drink it but generally only get 60 oz on average.

So anyway. I wasn’t even hungry yesterday. Only time I get really hungry is in the morning and during and after workouts.  Hunger pangs (why isn’t it pains? It does hurt after all!) during depletetion workouts make me a bit queezy.

I was aiming for 1500 kcals yesterday but was bloated after dinner and not into whey before bed.  Too much salad I guess! I love me some salad. I gotta check the sodium on the dressing. It’s no fat, no carb, 5 cals per 2tblsp,  but so I guess there has to be something giving it flavor. Mostly it’s just vinegar though. I like me some vinegar. Anything with tons of flavor like that makes me not hungry.

I gotta say, those depletion workouts are not fun anymore. I liked ‘em last week. I walked into the gym yesterday and wanted to turn around and leave.  Maybe ’cause I knew I was gonna be there for 2-3 hours. That’s the first time I’ve felt like that.

Just the day before, as he was leaving, my Mr. Perfect, Mr. Walking Pheromone, grabbed my hand and told me not to stay too long. He was touching me!! He was touching me with the very manly hand attached to those very manly vascular forearms I couldn’t stand to look at just 10 minutes earlier.

I melted. And then I stammered. The I blurted out whilst slurring like a drunk, “But I like it here. I like it better when you’re here. Touching me. Please don’t stop touching me. Ever!” OK, no I didn’t say that. But I thought it. Yes I did, uh huh. Hey, he was touching me, what else was I gonna think?

1. PMS or TOM is here. Gotta be because I’ve been famished for the past two days despite having eaten over maintenance on Day 6). PMS always gives me insatiable hunger. Plus I was a miserable bitch yesterday until I did cardio. That’s always a “tell” as they say in poker.

2. Navy formula (what I use to calc bf%) are all down, giving me a fat loss of .8 and a LBM gain of .8 lbs.

3. Here’s the key part: After 1 week of Ultimate Diet 2.0 bf% is down .6% to 19.2% - where it was when I started week 2 of pre UD 2.0 maintenance (which ended up being a bit over maintenance!).

So, it would appear that I did not do as much damage as my (as is all too typical when the scale taunts me) hysteria yesterday led me to believe.

I woke up today thinking I wouldn’t continue UD 2.0. Now I think I may see if I can tweak a bit. I really don’t think the super low cal thing works well for me. I think I will try upping the cals but maybe adding some more light cardio work. Cardio does wonder for my head.

Yesterdays workout:

20 min Arc, 10 min treadmill (and my knees don’t hurt STILL!)
Hanging Leg Raise 3×10
Horizontal Woodchop 2×12x2 plate
Lateral Extension 1×12x25
Planks on Ball 2×120, 1×90

I do not have time to play with this diet. I have 6 weeks to my surgery and instead of losing weight, I’ve gained it. And it’s not just fluid.  The fat roll on my stomach is fatter. I can tell just by the way it feels when I squeeze it. Fluid or fat? God. This sucks.

Over the past 3 days I’ve eaten 8119 calories. Minus a BMR of 1550 x 3 days leaves me with 3469 surplus kcals.  That’s not even a pound, OK call it a pound, two max if my BMR is lower, and here I am up 6.5 lbs.  All of my measurements are up.

That 1550 BMR doesn’t include an hour of cardio and 2+ hours of resistance training. I am so blah and bloated right now and pissed. Pissed pissed.

I Googled “Ultimate Diet 2.0 log”. I ended up learning that most women have not done well on this diet without modifications. Basically, it’s designed/written for men. Just like most everything else I’ve been reading lately related to weight training, dieting sub 22% bf, bodybuilding, etc.

I’m sick of the women’s “diet” sites like Spark People and others. That stuff is just crap, plain and simple. They are telling some women to eat sub 1500 cals a day. Yeah, maybe that’s fine if you don’t get up off your ass. Ever.

I must have PMS. I am a raving cranky bitch today. GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

OK, so, I need a new plan to get rid of this fat. What? Likely typical lower cal, cardio, blah fucking blah. I’d just do another week but I don’t have another week to mess around with and I don’t know what modifications to try.

I know for sure that the low cal thing doesn’t work for me. 1.5 years of doing that should have taught me something. But no. AND, I can’t function on such low cals. I think carbs are too low as well because once I added them back it was like I couldn’t control myself. I ate until I puked. That’s never happened to me before. AND, low carbs makes cellulite more apparent. AND high carbs makes my skin shiny. I looked like crap low carbing.  Yesterday I was glowing, shiny. Like a girl should be! So, no more super low carbs for me for sure. Not right now anyway.

I should have went with my gut. I didn’t think 3 weeks was long enough to do this. I should have went with my gut. I didn’t think it was working when after a carb fest followed by 3+ days of 1200 kcals I lost only 2lbs. I can do that eating 1800 kcals and doing crap loads of cardio. No need to be a mental zombie.

Who knows? This seeming failure may be related to my ever increasing irregular menstrual cycle and other aforementioned irregularities. I actually did go last night.  It wasn’t exactly regular but hey at least it’s moving.

Alright. Enough bitching.