I am such a bad bad blogger. I seriously think I have ADD. It’s been bad the past few days. I can’t complete a thought half the time. Once upon a time I had a free psychic reading done. The guy told me “Your mind is a buzz saw.”

Well, duh. REALLY glad I didn’t have to pay for that bit of “insight”.

Add kids who are not really kids, in fact one is technically an adult, who never shut up to the mix and it makes, well, makes me want to do this:

UGH.

So, my final Ultimate Diet week went well. I was down to 134 lbs pre reload. Reload went good, I stuck to my target (whatever it was, I forget now, 5-600g).

Then something happened. I no longer had a goal. Well, actually my goal is maintenance.

Problem: I don’t know how to do maintenance mentally speaking. I’m fine if I have to lose. I suppose I would be OK even with gaining muscle, dunno, haven’t tried it.

It’s this not going anywhere thing that I can’t get my head around, and consequently I’ve put on uhm a few pounds over the past week. I don’t know how many are legitimate fat though. I was 143.5 this morning but I had a “carb up” last night. So, today’s weight doesn’t count. I’d been holding around 142 for the past few days.

Also, I’m am EXTREMELY irregular. I went yesterday but that was the first legitimate movement since whenever the last time I blogged I went was - May 17th - that’s like 12 days!!

I literally look to be a few months pregnant. My abdomen sticks out just like there’s a baby in there. It’s hard like there’s a baby in there too! This soooo sucks so badly, I can’t not describe in words how badly.

I’m full of gas, really bad smelling gas, so much so that I can’t stand myself. It’s making going out in public quite difficult.

And no, I’m not pregnant. Well, if I am, I’m about a month over due. And besides, if I were pregnant, I think my GYN would have caught that before he inserted the IUD.

So, I assume that since this has been going on for a month now I qualify as having IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). Laxatives do nothing useful at all. I’ve been doing max doses of Metamucil and a softener the past 3 days. Fiber’s at 30-40grams. Water is 80-110oz.

I was so excited when I was able to go yesterday I seriously considered taking a picture of it! I feel like that was the last one I’ll see in a while. This makes me very very sad.

The real pain though is that I’m supposed to have the abdominoplasty in 25 days!!!!! I’m starting to worry that if things don’t start moving I’ll have to delay the surgery. I already feel like I’ve put my life on hold until after surgery. I actually HAVE put my life on hold! I do not want any delays. I’m too old to wait anymore. I feel like I’m waisting my life right now. I feel like I don’t have much time left for some reason. I’ve felt like that since I was about 30 years old.

So, not too happy today. I just want this, well, I was gonna say stuff, but really it’s crap lol or shit, literally and figuratively, OUT of me!!!!

Even smoking doesn’t make me go! I tried that a few weeks ago. Nothing. It tasted like total crap and made me really dizzy AND it didn’t work!!! How do I make a mad smiley? So I smoked the whole damn pack anyway. Just cause.

…or something like that.

I just had an awesome workout. I’m either stronger or I just wasn’t pushing enough last week. I may not have been. I’ve never “power” lifted before.  Today I was making faces and grunting like the big boys!

Ultimate Diet 2.0 - Week 2, Day5

Weight 134.5
kCals:  1968
Carbs: 199.5 grams.
Total for carb up: 599.5 - 12g per kg/lbm

Day 6 Workout:

DL:  3×5x175
Flat DB Fly: 2×6x70, 1×6x80

BB Row: 2×5x95, 1×6x95 - Was still in DL mode. Forgot to do 6 reps first 2 sets.
Incline DB Press: 2×6x35, 1×6x135 (Machine). Couldn’t lift the 40s to start the third set.

Leg Press: 1×6x300, 340, 360

Low Row: 3×6x9, 1×6x10
Calf Raise: 1×6x210, 2×6x220, 1×6x225

Glute-Ham Raise (!!): 2×4, 2×3, 1×2. YES! I did this. I didn’t go below parrallel to the floor but, hey, last week I couldn’t do one from even above parallel.
DB MP: 3×6x60

Assisted Wide Grip Lat Pull: 1×6x10, 2×6x8
Chins: 2×3, 1×3.5, 1×4

Tricep Dip, 4×4. And yes, these were unassisted. I totally rock.

My hands are killing me. I don’t wear gloves for deads or chins. They seem to make it harder. I use ‘em for low row and DBs because those handles are sharp and kill me. Still I have callouses like I had after playing guitar for 10 years. Callouses are NOT for girls! My gloves suck. I need to get real ones. Or something. My hands hurt more than anything else.

Now I’m sleepy. I need to eat though.

Oh and I kinda half dropped the bar on myself during the decent on my last DL. OK well, I used my quad to lower the weight because if I hadn’t the bar woulda come crashing down and I would have gotten yelled at. Hit right above my knee. The one with the tendinitis. Last week I had bruises up and down my shins. I think I need knee pads or something. That’s happened before.  I had a bruise in the same spot a few weeks back.  A huge ugly bruise. This will be the same no doubt. I can tell because it hurts. Bad. I actually almost left the gym to go buy an ice pack after I did it, it hurt that much.

Weight: 134.5
kcals: 3595

Uhm, so I lost what? 1.5lbs eating 1426 calories of crap - brownies, ice cream, donut, in one day.

How much do I love this “diet”?

Something weird is going on. I eat 1300 clean kcals and I gain weight. I not only triple the calories and dirty ‘em up but I reduce exercise burn by probably 40% and lose weight. I give up trying to figure this stuff out. I think it’s more like a crap shoot.

Just goes to show how utterly useless scale numbers are. My girth measurements are all pretty much the same I think. Didn’t do a caliper.

That all said, I did “go” yesterday. 3 or 4 times. Once, alot, at around 3am which kinda sucked because I had a hard time going back to sleep knowing I hadn’t eaten the entire batch of brownies. I don’t feel as pregnant now. My lower abs aren’t rock solid either. Too bad. I thought the ab workouts were maybe starting to actually work!

I’m really really struggling to determine just how many carbs I should consume. I’m already at 432g. I keep reading conflicting things. The book itself says 12-16g per kg lbm. That’s about 600g for me if I stick to the low end. That’s where I ended up last week - actually a bit over that, though I did the puke fest thing and so I don’t really have an accurate number.

I’d like to keep that scale number or something close to it. I’m afraid to eat anything else today. I was even thinking about doing some cardio just in case I overflow. I don’t care about lbm loss at this point. Not too much anyway.

I should just throw the damn scale away. It’s making me nuts with all its stupid lies.

And now I’m hungry. I hate that about carbs. I wasnt’ even hungry yesterday. I had to force myself to eat. In fact, the only reason I even “ate” pre-workout (like the books says I have to) was because I got to do the dextrose. Otherwise I would have justified not eating with the fact that the workout goal was depletion.

Today I woke up famished - after a 3500+ calorie yesterday! I just ate a 400 calorie breakfast 2 hours ago - 45% carb, 30% protein, 25% fat. I’ve had a crap load of caffeine (isn’t this what they put in “diet” pills? p.s. it doesn’t work). I’m hungry already.

Carbs kill me. I’ve found a new love for low carb diets despite the fact that I’m not a believer in extremes.

That said, the low carb workouts are starting to annoy me. I don’t want to do them. I love being in the gym which means low carb isn’t something I can do forever. I just love the not being hungry thing. I guess my focus during maintenance will be trying to find the balance - enough carbs to keep me fueled, few enough to keep me from wanting to eat non-stop. I suppose it could just be all the sugar I consumed that’s giving me the out of control eating feeling. I hate having to battle the cravings and the voices in my head. I just want to live in peace! Drama ain’t my thing!

I guess that means I’ll have to try a low sugar carb up next week. I will miss my brownie sundae.

Whoo hooo I get to eat  caramel truffle brownie sundae tonight!

Weight: 136
kCals: 1302
Carbs: 19% (61.5g)
Workout: Ab circuit, 20m treadmill, 40m Arc

Hanging leg raises: 3×10 - These are getting too easy. Not sure if I’m working the abs correctly. I start from a dead stop, hanging, then lift knees to chest.

Woodchop: 1×12x3 plate. My form was sucking and I couldn’t seem to find the groove, so I stopped.

Jack knife: 3 x 12

Lateral Raise: 2 x 12 x 25

Plank on Ball: 2 x 2 min.

Plank w/static leg raise: 1 x 2 min.

uhm……

Week 2, Day 1
Weight: 139.5
kcals: 1536
Carbs: 94.37g (going for 75g. oops) So, that’s like 25% carb.
Depletion workout: lower body- 90+ minutes, cardio - 60 minutes

Day 2
Weight: 138
kcals: 1387
Carbs: 69.9g - 20%
Depletion workout: upper body - 90+ minutes, cardio - 40 minutes - Wanted to 60. OK not wanted really but woulda had I not had cramps/bloating/gas. ugh. It went something like this in my head which was battling me the entire time:

“I’m tired. I’m hungry. I’m in pain. I have to pee. So what if I just went 3 times during weights. 40s good. Get the fuck off the Arc. If you don’t I will take you out at the knees.”

Day 3
Weight:

139.5 (!!!!)(WTF???!!!?)

The scale is not my friend today or I just get fat on low cal/low carb.

Not giving up yet up jeez that number really threw me. Could be the “irregular” f-ing thing again or TOM I guess. I really wish I had a clue.

It’s been 3 days since things have moved.  I don’t know what the issue is. I get 20-30g fiber low cal. 30-40g on typical days. Could be dehydration maybe? I do suck at water. I drink it but generally only get 60 oz on average.

So anyway. I wasn’t even hungry yesterday. Only time I get really hungry is in the morning and during and after workouts.  Hunger pangs (why isn’t it pains? It does hurt after all!) during depletetion workouts make me a bit queezy.

I was aiming for 1500 kcals yesterday but was bloated after dinner and not into whey before bed.  Too much salad I guess! I love me some salad. I gotta check the sodium on the dressing. It’s no fat, no carb, 5 cals per 2tblsp,  but so I guess there has to be something giving it flavor. Mostly it’s just vinegar though. I like me some vinegar. Anything with tons of flavor like that makes me not hungry.

I gotta say, those depletion workouts are not fun anymore. I liked ‘em last week. I walked into the gym yesterday and wanted to turn around and leave.  Maybe ’cause I knew I was gonna be there for 2-3 hours. That’s the first time I’ve felt like that.

Just the day before, as he was leaving, my Mr. Perfect, Mr. Walking Pheromone, grabbed my hand and told me not to stay too long. He was touching me!! He was touching me with the very manly hand attached to those very manly vascular forearms I couldn’t stand to look at just 10 minutes earlier.

I melted. And then I stammered. The I blurted out whilst slurring like a drunk, “But I like it here. I like it better when you’re here. Touching me. Please don’t stop touching me. Ever!” OK, no I didn’t say that. But I thought it. Yes I did, uh huh. Hey, he was touching me, what else was I gonna think?