Here’s how bad my ADD is right now:

I sat down at the computer because I needed to come here and get my workout log from my blog so that I can put it in my nifty new notebook. Ooops - need the notebook, it’s on the kitchen table. Go to kitchen. Oh great. Now I have to pee. Go to bathroom. Use last bit of toilet paper. Have to get the roll from the downstairs bathroom. Better do that now before I forget and end up in here next trip with no toilet paper. Better throw some laundry in while I’m down there - need workout clothes for later. Bah, wet clothes in washer. That means I gotta fold the clothes in the dryer. I hate folding clothes. And emptying the dishwasher. I hardly use the dishwasher anymore. I’d rather wash them by hand (and yeah put them away! wtf lol) than have to empty the dishwasher.

Hmm, dryer vent tube needs to be replaced. Could just let the hot air blow out the back like I’ve been doing and heat up the house and probably give us all carbon monoxide poisoning. Eh, let me get this done. I gotta get this done before surgery, might as well just do it now.

So, I end up cleaning out all the lint and crap behind the dryer and then the entire laundry room when all I really intended to do was go to the kitchen and grab the notebook off the table. All because I hadda pee.

This is how my life has been the past week or two. I can’t get anything done. That new dryer vent has been in the car and then on the kitchen table for a week. Well, at least finally that’s done.

Now, what did I come in here for exactly? Oh yeah. Workout log. Let’s see how many days it takes me to complete that task. Actually it’s been on the list of things I forgot to do for about the same time as the dryer vent. Maybe surgery and some mental down time is just what I need?

I am such a bad bad blogger. I seriously think I have ADD. It’s been bad the past few days. I can’t complete a thought half the time. Once upon a time I had a free psychic reading done. The guy told me “Your mind is a buzz saw.”

Well, duh. REALLY glad I didn’t have to pay for that bit of “insight”.

Add kids who are not really kids, in fact one is technically an adult, who never shut up to the mix and it makes, well, makes me want to do this:

UGH.

So, my final Ultimate Diet week went well. I was down to 134 lbs pre reload. Reload went good, I stuck to my target (whatever it was, I forget now, 5-600g).

Then something happened. I no longer had a goal. Well, actually my goal is maintenance.

Problem: I don’t know how to do maintenance mentally speaking. I’m fine if I have to lose. I suppose I would be OK even with gaining muscle, dunno, haven’t tried it.

It’s this not going anywhere thing that I can’t get my head around, and consequently I’ve put on uhm a few pounds over the past week. I don’t know how many are legitimate fat though. I was 143.5 this morning but I had a “carb up” last night. So, today’s weight doesn’t count. I’d been holding around 142 for the past few days.

Also, I’m am EXTREMELY irregular. I went yesterday but that was the first legitimate movement since whenever the last time I blogged I went was - May 17th - that’s like 12 days!!

I literally look to be a few months pregnant. My abdomen sticks out just like there’s a baby in there. It’s hard like there’s a baby in there too! This soooo sucks so badly, I can’t not describe in words how badly.

I’m full of gas, really bad smelling gas, so much so that I can’t stand myself. It’s making going out in public quite difficult.

And no, I’m not pregnant. Well, if I am, I’m about a month over due. And besides, if I were pregnant, I think my GYN would have caught that before he inserted the IUD.

So, I assume that since this has been going on for a month now I qualify as having IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). Laxatives do nothing useful at all. I’ve been doing max doses of Metamucil and a softener the past 3 days. Fiber’s at 30-40grams. Water is 80-110oz.

I was so excited when I was able to go yesterday I seriously considered taking a picture of it! I feel like that was the last one I’ll see in a while. This makes me very very sad.

The real pain though is that I’m supposed to have the abdominoplasty in 25 days!!!!! I’m starting to worry that if things don’t start moving I’ll have to delay the surgery. I already feel like I’ve put my life on hold until after surgery. I actually HAVE put my life on hold! I do not want any delays. I’m too old to wait anymore. I feel like I’m waisting my life right now. I feel like I don’t have much time left for some reason. I’ve felt like that since I was about 30 years old.

So, not too happy today. I just want this, well, I was gonna say stuff, but really it’s crap lol or shit, literally and figuratively, OUT of me!!!!

Even smoking doesn’t make me go! I tried that a few weeks ago. Nothing. It tasted like total crap and made me really dizzy AND it didn’t work!!! How do I make a mad smiley? So I smoked the whole damn pack anyway. Just cause.

25 grams of Maltodextrin
15 grams Dextrose
23 grams Whey

I feel like I drank a keg of coffee. I’m wired and literally dizzy. Almost like I’m drunk.

I only got in 30 minutes of cardio. I did a Firm video this morning. It wasn’t nearly as challenging as it was 60lbs ago but I still got an OK workout. At least it was a change in routine. That never hurts. Though my knees didn’t take too kindly to the lunges and jumping stuff.

I was going to do 30 on the Arc before weights but something happened and I couldn’t focus nor sit on that thing for 30 minutes, no way, no how. Not after this happened:

I go to fill up my water bottle. Mr. Walking Pheromone comes over and asks me if we won the lottery. I’d asked his birthday last time I saw him. Told him mine was broken and I needed new lottery numbers. It was actually my way of getting to talk to him AND find out his sign because I like the Astrology stuff.

I inform Mr. Walking Pheromone that no, we didn’t win Mega Millions but it’s OK because no one else did either. He tells me how he had a dream about me. I ask him if I won. I nearly pass out when Mr. Walking Pheromone tells me it was a “naughty” (his words not mine) dream about us. Then he goes, “True story.”

Of course idiot me who can never think of anything good to say says something totally and utterly ridiculous and open to extremely negative interpretation like, “It’s not a true story, it was a dream.”

Duh. How stupid can a person be? I’ve lusted after this guy for literally a year now, and I nearly tell him to f-off?

I get on the Arc and am like OMFG. I can’t stop smiling. Then my mp3 player freezes. Then I get off the Arc. I gotta go tell Mr. Pheremone that what I meant to say was, “Show me.”

And that’s just what I did.

So, only 30 minutes of cardio today. I figure I’ll make it up eventually. A different form of cardio than the Arc, but hey, it’s good to mix things up a bit. Kinda gotta shock the body out of homeostasis every now and then.

uhm……

Week 2, Day 1
Weight: 139.5
kcals: 1536
Carbs: 94.37g (going for 75g. oops) So, that’s like 25% carb.
Depletion workout: lower body- 90+ minutes, cardio - 60 minutes

Day 2
Weight: 138
kcals: 1387
Carbs: 69.9g - 20%
Depletion workout: upper body - 90+ minutes, cardio - 40 minutes - Wanted to 60. OK not wanted really but woulda had I not had cramps/bloating/gas. ugh. It went something like this in my head which was battling me the entire time:

“I’m tired. I’m hungry. I’m in pain. I have to pee. So what if I just went 3 times during weights. 40s good. Get the fuck off the Arc. If you don’t I will take you out at the knees.”

Day 3
Weight:

139.5 (!!!!)(WTF???!!!?)

The scale is not my friend today or I just get fat on low cal/low carb.

Not giving up yet up jeez that number really threw me. Could be the “irregular” f-ing thing again or TOM I guess. I really wish I had a clue.

It’s been 3 days since things have moved.  I don’t know what the issue is. I get 20-30g fiber low cal. 30-40g on typical days. Could be dehydration maybe? I do suck at water. I drink it but generally only get 60 oz on average.

So anyway. I wasn’t even hungry yesterday. Only time I get really hungry is in the morning and during and after workouts.  Hunger pangs (why isn’t it pains? It does hurt after all!) during depletetion workouts make me a bit queezy.

I was aiming for 1500 kcals yesterday but was bloated after dinner and not into whey before bed.  Too much salad I guess! I love me some salad. I gotta check the sodium on the dressing. It’s no fat, no carb, 5 cals per 2tblsp,  but so I guess there has to be something giving it flavor. Mostly it’s just vinegar though. I like me some vinegar. Anything with tons of flavor like that makes me not hungry.

I gotta say, those depletion workouts are not fun anymore. I liked ‘em last week. I walked into the gym yesterday and wanted to turn around and leave.  Maybe ’cause I knew I was gonna be there for 2-3 hours. That’s the first time I’ve felt like that.

Just the day before, as he was leaving, my Mr. Perfect, Mr. Walking Pheromone, grabbed my hand and told me not to stay too long. He was touching me!! He was touching me with the very manly hand attached to those very manly vascular forearms I couldn’t stand to look at just 10 minutes earlier.

I melted. And then I stammered. The I blurted out whilst slurring like a drunk, “But I like it here. I like it better when you’re here. Touching me. Please don’t stop touching me. Ever!” OK, no I didn’t say that. But I thought it. Yes I did, uh huh. Hey, he was touching me, what else was I gonna think?

I’m up another pound.

I do not have time to play with this diet. I have 6 weeks to my surgery and instead of losing weight, I’ve gained it. And it’s not just fluid.  The fat roll on my stomach is fatter. I can tell just by the way it feels when I squeeze it. Fluid or fat? God. This sucks.

Over the past 3 days I’ve eaten 8119 calories. Minus a BMR of 1550 x 3 days leaves me with 3469 surplus kcals.  That’s not even a pound, OK call it a pound, two max if my BMR is lower, and here I am up 6.5 lbs.  All of my measurements are up.

That 1550 BMR doesn’t include an hour of cardio and 2+ hours of resistance training. I am so blah and bloated right now and pissed. Pissed pissed.

I Googled “Ultimate Diet 2.0 log”. I ended up learning that most women have not done well on this diet without modifications. Basically, it’s designed/written for men. Just like most everything else I’ve been reading lately related to weight training, dieting sub 22% bf, bodybuilding, etc.

I’m sick of the women’s “diet” sites like Spark People and others. That stuff is just crap, plain and simple. They are telling some women to eat sub 1500 cals a day. Yeah, maybe that’s fine if you don’t get up off your ass. Ever.

I must have PMS. I am a raving cranky bitch today. GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

OK, so, I need a new plan to get rid of this fat. What? Likely typical lower cal, cardio, blah fucking blah. I’d just do another week but I don’t have another week to mess around with and I don’t know what modifications to try.

I know for sure that the low cal thing doesn’t work for me. 1.5 years of doing that should have taught me something. But no. AND, I can’t function on such low cals. I think carbs are too low as well because once I added them back it was like I couldn’t control myself. I ate until I puked. That’s never happened to me before. AND, low carbs makes cellulite more apparent. AND high carbs makes my skin shiny. I looked like crap low carbing.  Yesterday I was glowing, shiny. Like a girl should be! So, no more super low carbs for me for sure. Not right now anyway.

I should have went with my gut. I didn’t think 3 weeks was long enough to do this. I should have went with my gut. I didn’t think it was working when after a carb fest followed by 3+ days of 1200 kcals I lost only 2lbs. I can do that eating 1800 kcals and doing crap loads of cardio. No need to be a mental zombie.

Who knows? This seeming failure may be related to my ever increasing irregular menstrual cycle and other aforementioned irregularities. I actually did go last night.  It wasn’t exactly regular but hey at least it’s moving.

Alright. Enough bitching.

A few days before this past Christmas there was a water main break in a pipe at the end of my driveway.  Since then the resulting hole large enough to swallow my car times two has been temporarily filled. What that really means is that the end of my driveway is several huge pot holes. I drive a Mustang.  Mustangs don’t off-road well.

So, the town is out there right now. They’ve already started digging. One of the guys comes to my door and asks if I need to get out of my driveway.  Uhm, they’ve already begun to dig. There’s a least a foot drop.  I didn’t really understand the point of him asking.  And, to answer the question, yes, I do need to go out.

I’m stuck. Oh well. I guess I’ll have to do absolutely NOTHING. Problem? I’m not tired today! Though I did have trouble falling asleep and then staying asleep. So, I overslept. I actually would have been out of here had I been up on time.

When I started Ultimate Diet 2.0 I was 139.5 lbs.  That was up 3.5lbs from the prior week. I’d been doing maintenance which turned out to be a bit over maintenance. I was at 2400 average daily kcals for last week thanks to two “cheat days”. One unplanned. It was more like a conscious out of control eating thing. Over the course of about two hours I ate half a box of some sweetened version of Total cereal.  I knew all the carbs would be with me on the scale the next day, and probably on Tuesday my weigh in day. I didn’t care.

It’s now what, Thursday, Total pigout was Sunday. I’ve been doing 1200 kcals for the past two days, a little below maintenance on Monday, kicked my ass hard at the gym and I now care.  I’m stuck. I’m still 139.5. My legs are KILLING me. Well, not killing but I haven’t been this sore and tight in a long time.
I’m almost thinking I won’t do the carb up. I don’t get this. How can I not be dropping water weight? I am a bit oh let’s say irregular. Been two days now. Or, maybe it’s PMS?  Hard to say. I have this nifty little IUD that makes my cycle irregular, or nonexistent, or well, at least really hard to track.  I’m really starting to get paranoid.  How do I not lose anything with no carbs? This actually shouldn’t surprise me given I only lost maybe 5 lbs the first two weeks I did South Beach and that was coming off Weight Watchers aka the High Fructose Corn Syrup Diet. (I say that because the food they pimp at the meetings is pumped full of the stuff)

So, I can’t eat. I can’t go anywhere. I’m supposed to be out of the gym today though I think I’m allowed to do cardio (I’ll have to “read the fucking book” again and check). Looks like rain, though I might be able to squeeze in some yard work. That might be useful in keeping my mind off of those ymmy OMG I sooo need to eat them M&Ms. Then later on I’ll probably have to escape to no carb no cal Norrath.

I slept at least 8 hours last night.

I woke up tired.

Low carb sucks.

I guess the only plus is that I’m not all that hungry. At least I’m not as hungry as I thought I’d be. I usually do 1700-1900 kcals. Ultimate Diet 2.0 has me doing 1200.

I’m really worried that I’m not getting in enough depletion during these workouts. I just can’t seem to match weight with reps and time under tension on some stuff. If I go lighter I get no burn. Heavier I fail. I dunno.

Did cardio this morning. I didn’t think I’d feel like doing it after today’s lower body workout. I actually probably could have gotten through it. I was just kinda bitchy and cranky so I’m glad I did it this morning. Then again, now I’m sitting here at 6:30 and have only like 300 calories left for the day. I was hungry by the time I went to bed last night, which was about an hour after I ate.

Nights suck for me. I just want to go to sleep but I can’t because: A) it’s too early and B) my daughter is coming home from college tonight. And that’s another thing!! She is an eater. Eating, eating, all the time. And she never shuts up. She’s gonna stress me I just know it. I talked to her earlier today and she’s like, “Let’s do something tonight, I wanna go to the movies.” Sure, she’s gonna get home maybe 8 or 9pm, we have to unload all her crap and then go out? I WOKE UP TIRED!! I just want to sleep!!!!! Not to mention the fact that I have no money or debit card and the movies cost like 8 gazillion dollars AND they have that stinking popcorn I hate HATE HATE saying no to! AND I’M HUNGRY!!

Bah. First thing I’m eating Friday night is M&Ms. I’ve already decided. No, second thing. First thing will be my pwo shake. They’ve got one of those candy machines in my “gym”, candy machine in the gym? hence the quotes, and I have to look at the M&Ms in it every time I leave the gym, when I’m starving, and can’t have my pwo carbs. I swear I only workout so that I can have my crack dextrose/malto/whey afterwards. I love that stuff. LOVE it. I put it in the blender and it gets all foamy and thick, almost like a milkshake but better than a milkshake.

I’m too tired to do a workout log. I need to do more calf sets and I should be good, at least #of set wise. Who knows if I worked hard enough. Yeah, I got dizzy, especially during DLs. I dunno what made me think that would be a good idea but I did ‘em. 4 sets @ 95lbs.

Well, at least my knees don’t hurt. At all. It’s amazing. I didn’t do lunges as that’s when I first felt the pain. I may try them next week. I couldn’t do step ups. Gym was too crowded today. Couldn’t do back extension either, again couldn’t get near it. I’m really tired of the crowds.

And, I’m so sick of the walking pheromone and his hot/cold crap. I dunno what that’s about. He’s either super shy or doesn’t think I like him, maybe both. I’m shy too, so grrr I dunno how to do this. I dunno. I dunno. I’m about ready to just tell him to ask me out or something. This is getting INCREDIBLY frustrating. And every once in a while he won’t show up for a week. I start thinking I missed my chance to, I dunno, tell him I love him and want to marry him?, OK just that I want him, badly.

Kid just called. They are out to eat. She’s having chicken parm. I whine, bitch, and moan. She says, “I’ll bring some home for you!”

Oh great, and there’s the damn ice cream truck with it’s loud obnoxious music.

Oh, wait, I already have.

I always say the older I get the dumber I get. I swear ya lose half your brain cells with each pregnancy. So, that would make me, uhm, braindead?

I have the last two workouts scribbled on a ripped up piece of paper. So, I’m really just here to get them to “hard copy.” How times have changed! Hard copy used to be paper. For me it’s a hard drive. Preferably not one I can mess up.

I need a secretary to keep me organized. Earlier this week I lost a $300 check. Add that to the money my daughter took accidentally last week, and that leaves me scrambling big time to cover the mortgage payment being automatically deducted on the 1st.

THEN, because I need more money issues aggravation, yesterday I go to the ATM and take out $20. Head to Dunkin’ for my coffee. I’m getting ready to go food shopping. Need coffee. Get coffee. Stop at Target first. I need workout clothes. And hairspray. And, and, and….I always end up with armfuls of stuff every time I go into a store for one or two things.

So, I go to pay. I have no debit card!!?? HUH? Where’s my card? I JUST USED IT!!!!!!!!!! (This is the story of my life. I just used something therefore it must get lost.) This is the second time I’ve lost my debit card in the past 2 or 3 months.

OK fine, it must be in the car? Nope.

Uhm, in the ATM? I go to the bank, (thankfully it’s still early and bank is open - it’s Saturday!! - and I withdraw cash), nope, didn’t leave the card in the machine either. OK fine. Go over to Dunkin, check around on the ground, ask inside. Nope. No debit card.

So, now I have a V8 on empty, and about $12 cash after going food shopping. I gotta quit this eating thing. I can’t afford it. EAS whey was 13.99 a month ago. Now it’s 18.99. I didn’t buy it. Used to be it was cheaper for me offline. And more convenient. OK enough bitching and moaning, here’s the workout:

Friday May whatever…2nd???

Glute activation stuff

GBC Set A
SLDL (because I forgot what my previous weight was because I don’t have a secretary to keep me sane and organized) 1×6x105, 1×6x125, 1×6x145.
Leg Press - 2×12x160, 1×12x180
Step Up - 1×25xBW, 1×25x20, 1×25x30 - still too light, though 40 might be too much.

GBC Set B
Back Ext - 1×6x40, 2×6x50
Lying Hip Abduction - thought I’d try these for VMO but didn’t work out so well. I did with 20lb dumbbell first but it was more of a workout staying balanced. Then I did them on a stability ball with no weight. Still I’m not getting the lactic burn with just 12 reps, so these are gone.
Marching Bridge - 2×25xBW. Wow, I likey these.

I went to see the Doc yesterday about my bitchy knee. I saw a new Doc in the practice. She asked me how I lost the weight. I just laughed at her and said, “How do you think I did it?”

So, she just looks at my knee, just looks at it and says, “You have patellar tendonitis.” Hmm, well OK it feels like that, is probably that; but I don’t know how she knew by
just looking at it. So I made her touch it, just to make me feel better.

And that was it. Oh, and “Don’t do whatever makes it hurt.”

So, basically, I’m left treating myself. I know my hamstrings and calfs (or is it calves?) are super duper tight. I know my quads look like shit, and they shouldn’t given all the lower body work and running and arc training I do, so I assume underactive. I know for a fact my glutes don’t work. When I was doing kickbacks I was holding at the top and could not even feel the glutes flexing. I don’t know. I can’t seem to get them to kick in. It takes more concentration and maybe strength? than I seem to have. So I guess I shouldn’t even bother trying this:

So, bad knees means limited lower body work. How bad does that suck? Bad. Very bad. Very very very bad!!!! No squats? No lunges? No step ups? No, no, no, no!!!!!!!! You know what else this means? No cardio. Yes! Yes!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!! :)Actually, despite how much I hate cardio, I still need to do it. So, not having anything in my gym for cardio that doesn’t involve too much knee stress makes things a bit difficult. Even more difficult if I’m going to try UD 2.0.

I tried going low carb from Monday - Tuesday dinner. I did it sorta kinda. Not low low carb. More like moderate low carb. I’m usually around 45%. I was at 32% Monday. Including cheat - pizza and brownie sundae (no sugar ice cream) I was still only 46% Tuesday. 3000ish calories but hey who’s counting? Oh yeah, I am!

By Tuesday afternoon I was bitchy and light headed. I need to stay out of the gym when I’m bitchy and lightheaded. I had a super crappy workout out. Went something like this:

Wait 15 minutes for three guys to get done doing their cable crossovers. I was not even going to attempt doing any lower body without getting my activation work in first. No way, no how.

I didn’t know they were 3 teaming. I asked one kid if he was using the pulley he said he was and “It’ll be quick. Only doing 3 sets.” He must be an English major. 3×3 does not equal 3.

I am sooooooooooooooooooo, sooooo, sooooo sick of guys, it’s always the boys, taking over the cables for sometimes 30 minutes at a time (literally) to do crossovers. I mean come on, there are other people who would like to use the equipment. Get some damn dumb bells and a bench!!!!!!!! I betcha if the cables weren’t two feet from the mirror I’d get to use them any time I wanted. Spending too much time in the gym makes me wonder why I like men at all.

OK so I do my stupid useless girly barbie weight why are you doing that activation stuff. I was probably there maybe 6 minutes? After about 4 minutes I’ve got ‘em circling me, closing in, ready to pounce as soon as I bend over to remove the strap.

Then I try to set up for my GBC shitty can’t use my knees workout. I didn’t have a plan going in because I didn’t have time between Dr and gym to work it out. And I’m not real creative on the fly. I’m not real creative period. So, I try some leg presses. They don’t hurt. OK I’ll do those for my 12rep exercise.

Straight Leg Dead Lift 6×105 - coulda gone heavier but I tried 145 and that was to much so, I gotta find a number in between. I was just sick of loading the bar. Plus my knee starts bitching when I squat too low (no rack in my “gym”) which I sorta have to do to load the bar. God. I feel like a cripple!

Leg Press - 12×140 - felt these nicely in the quads! Yay!!

BW Squat for 25. 2nd set I got in 12 before the shin started aching. Dunno why I thought these were a good idea given I can’t even squat to load the bar. I blame in on the low carb thing. I really was ditzy.

After first full set, kid comes over and asks me if I’m using the leg press. I told him I was super setting but that he could work in. I do one quick set, out of order just to get it in and give him time - and I guess because I kinda had a feeling what happened next would happen. Seemingly nice kid, a friend (oops stupid me, gotta double/triple/yeah even sometimes quadruple team every piece of equipment in my gym is the law apparently), proceed to park their asses there for oh I dunno, 15 minutes. Apparently they don’t know what work in means.

Fuck!

Fine. I can’t squat, now I cant leg press, so I might as well just screw this and move on to the next superset.

3x for all:

Ham Curl - 6×80
Back Ext - 12×30
Bridge - 1×25 on bench, 2×25 ball. I think I should stick to the bench. Ball seems to involve more hamstring than I probably need.

Oh and I did an ab workout Monday. Same as the previous. Well, no,

Planks 3×120 sec - these totally totally SUCK without an mp3 player.
Ball Crunch 3×12x15
Horizontal Woodchop 2×12x2 - I don’t know what these plates weigh. I’m thinking they’re 5lbs
Lateral Flex because of course I can’t use the pulley but hey I got in two sets so I should be ecstatic right? 1×12x20

And 30 minutes on the Arc with no music. That was the longest hardest 30 minutes of my life.